My
journey from Chronic Anorexic to ultra -distance triathlete
Fuelling
that compulsive obsessive behavior into sport
The year was 1997 I was all smiles
and running towards the finish line of the French Triple Iron distance race
Defi Mundial de L’Endurance, I had covered 7.2 miles of swimming in a 50 meter
pool, cycled 336 miles and ran 78 miles in circuits I was about to finish in
style; placing 3rd female and 26th out of 48 athletes in
a total time of 51 hours and 41 minutes! It was a far cry from my younger years
spent inside various hospitals and asylums while I battled my inner demons and
fought against Anorexia Nervosa.
As triathletes we are obsessed
about numbers, what do we weigh? What was our split, our finish time, our miles
per hour….were did we place….how many calories did we use how many did we
consume… how many miles a week can we swim bike run and so the numbers keep on
adding up. Yet the numbers rarely
project the quality of life we lead or the type of person we are they do not
tell us how much we are loved by friends or family they are exactly that just
numbers.
This week is National Eating
Disorder Awareness and I wanted to reach out to other athletes and their
families about the dangers of eating disorders and why if we suspect a fellow
athlete or friend or family member of having an eating disorder it is important
to let them know help is available there is over 24 million Americans with
eating disorders only 1 in 10 seek help. Eating Disorders do not distinguish a
certain group they do not care the color of your skin, your gender, or your
place in society. It may be the good looking football player who is hiding an
eating disorder as well as the gymnast or cheerleader. It may be a popular
student in class or the kid that gets picked on, It could be a university
student feeling pressure to get perfect scores on exams or not living up to
some one else’s expectations; be sensitive to others every- one has problems
some of us channel them through food.
I spent 10 years of my life obsessed
with food, I could not it seem control my life but I could control what food I
ate and thus began my demise into the world of feeding tubes, bed rest and
mental asylums, I abused laxatives, hid food and wore baggy clothes I did many
things to try and hide my skinny frame and at 58 pounds was admitted to various
hospitals eventually my heart went into cardiac arrest. Every person is
different but Anorexia Nervosa is rarely about the food and dieting the
behavioral and physical symptoms are usually hiding a deeper pain one of being
insecure, emotional drained with a lot of pain and suffering, just as any mental
illness it over takes who you are and there is a lot of pain in the process.
The nurses and doctors labeled me as devious, sly manipulative I was put into
an asylum with manic depressives, heroin addicts and suicidal patients. I was
living in a horror movie and could see no light at the end of the tunnel. I
went from being a very talented Pastry Chef working in London’s finest 5 star
hotels to being mentally unsound!! And
felt hopeless and feared I would die in one of these places. I saw many things
in these places that have affected my life and views on mental illnesses, I was
labeled “The Anorexic Pastry Chef” or
that’s “Marys Daughter” I totally lost my identity I spent 10 years trying to
figure out who I was..
The doctors told my family that
99% of chronic anorexics with such extreme case die; I was truly blessed as I
did not as there was a different plan for my life and I was not ready to die. I
remember watching a TV broadcast about running the New Zealand marathon I told
my nurse I was going to do that and she laughed saying I could not even run to
the toilet, that was in 1989!
I left England in 1990 I remember
I weighed 80 pounds as that was the condition to be able to visit my family
from the commune I was destined to die in, I purchased a plane ticket to
Bangkok and with a back pack, an open mind I set out on a journey to find out
who I was, it was like being born again with no nurses watching me 24/7
psychiatrists to talk to I was literally on my own I remember the first time I
ate a doughnut took me 1 week to eat the entire thing but I never threw it away
or hid it! I observed other women the same age as me 25 all looking so happy; I struggled with my identity and fell in love with scuba diving.
I would eventually travel to over 40 countries
I ended up in Puerto Rico were I discovered the sport of triathlon doing my
first tri at Vega Baja in 1993 on a borrowed racing bike I won my age group and
was immediately hooked! At 30 years old I had discovered triathlons, and in
1994 did my first Iron distance race the Vineman. I never thought I have not
trained enough or I am not ready I just wanted to feel free and push my body
over these three sports on my terms, and knowing how important the nutrition
was! I became a triathlete and also am a
PADI Scuba instructor. I still make pastries and specialty cakes occasionally
but I am doing what I love and do not own scales and only go on them when a
visit to the doctor’s office is necessary, numbers are still important but that
would be the ones on my monitor telling me my heart rate! As being alive with a
healthy heart beat is the greatest gift we can have!
I realized I had to be in control of my life
and as with everything I did I had to do it 100% due to my compulsive obsessive
ways. I feared rejection and in many ways still do, I love to hear approval and
can be devastated if something I do does not go right. But I have learnt
through the sport of triathlon that sometimes things do not always go as
planned and you cannot please every- one all the time! Life is not always
viewed through rose tinted glasses and there is going to be negativity the
important thing is to keep moving forward and appreciate who YOU are as you
need to love yourself and accept yourself for who you are before anyone else
does.
Since leaving England and deciding
to take charge of my destiny I have completed over 450 multi-sport events I won
the Puerto Rican National Championships for triathlon in 1999 and specialized
in double and triple iron distances and my favorite race is Hawaii Ultraman World Championships,
which I have met many great people and toed the line for 15 consecutive years.
I love the challenge of ultra trail running and finished the Costa Rica coastal
challenge in 2005, I am in constant recovery mode putting my energy into being
healthy so I can participate in the things I love I still have trouble
sometimes with food I look at labels and channel my obsessive compulsive habits
into sport I have a wonderful grand daughter and a little dog I run with but
also I have a great husband who keeps me on the right path. I had a great
support system with doctors, nurses, family and friends but ultimately I had to
admit I had a problem to be able to move forward.
Anorexia Nervosa and other eating
disorders can be treated there is always hope, I suffer from bone loss and have
had a lot of dental issues I also suffer from a hearing loss, but I will take
that as I am live & happy and living my life to the fullest, I just wanted
to share my personnel story with this awful eating disorder in the hope I can
help and reach out to others who are suffering to give hope.
Life is much happier when you eat
to live and not live to eat!
The hotline for Eating disorders
is 1 800 931 2237 and web site is
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